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heavymetalteacup

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Finland
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My name is Kris. I work hard, I think too much, and I write, sometimes, and sing (more rarely), when the little voices in my head don't get in my way.

The majority of my gallery is hidden for the time being.
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:icongrahamsym:
GrahamSym Jan 25, 2014   Digital Artist
Thinking of you my friend, best wishes x :hug:
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:iconthemadmulatto:
TheMadMulatto Dec 10, 2013
It occurred to me that maybe I should be responding to this journal elsewhere, but what the hell.
Prepare for psycho-ramble.
_________________

I've had the pleasure of meeting a small group of unrelated people in the last 8 years who speak of this "light". :?
The first ten times it was explained to me

 (through tears,
 raging fists,
euphoric smiles,
 waving arms of mania
 and sighs of physical repose...)

I was literally stopped in my tracks by the ideology
as if I'd been hit in the face with a stop sign while cruising through my midnight desert on a unicycle.

yeah...

I never realized people held this concept until recently,
or felt comparison
or, uh
a way of separating their visiting darkness vs. where they imagine they are normally -
which appears to NOT be darkness.

I'm still chewing on that perspective and I'll admit, I can barely find the appropriate seat
let alone the right platform to work on this from an internalized point of view.

I guess I mean to say
I can't remember a time I WASN'T in darkness,
I can't remember a time I MYSELF wasn't dark
surrounded by it
raised in it
honed against it
crushed under it
motivated and inspired by it
inclined to it
and yet
not truly feeling that something was ever not workable there...
not recognizing the terror and potential of becoming a
not-so-acceptable product of darkness.

or maybe what I mean to say is
I never imagined "light" and copious amounts of purposely sought happiness
was a choice - assuming it was all more of a fleeting bonus
to any lucky event.
The light which you speak of is a power source
where I somehow flipped it off like daily junk mail or
harboring it like a feeling of
being comforted by mostly clean bed linen...

damn ignorant and ungrateful shit for a perspective.


This is not to say I have been a depressed and passive mess all my life.
I've been pretty productive and fairly content,
 in fact;
not so much a wildly cerebral sponge baby who stares,
but a calculating tooler rodent who continues to go missing -
occupying closets and mapping out the next utopia
 inside the filthy mazes of factory duct work - (aka LIFE)

Who needs sun, positivity, delightfully meshable people or
 a prescribed baseline happiness, I used to wonder.
Remaining obliviously busy or rather, preoccupied in solitary personal obsessions
 (for gain or loss) WAS the happiness if you'd asked me 10 years ago.
Maybe even now. :paranoid:

The past and the present
and anyone in either of those places,
 hold little relevance in this light vs. dark thing I'm talking about.
Quantum emotions too vast and ethereal to math out
 and the impactive results born in zero gravity.

I also don't think this default acceptance of darkness is
 a romantic undertone to a person's character,
however ...
just as 'The Addams' seem oblivious to "the bright side", it's an unquestioned,
uncompared disposition (bubble)
that doesn't exactly address how evil and ugly people can be or how harrowing the world
in today's societies.

For social surroundings to feel negative, there must be a tangible positive, right?
Maybe I'm worse off for not realizing there was a magnificent difference in the big picture,
paying attention only to the "hit & run" social moments
we sometimes assume are just our perspective and not what's really going on.

Ash is ash and dust is dust... which never leads me to think about weights and measures
against
birth, being alive or the fortune of not being dead.

Does this lead to someone's inability to "feel" the darkness
- taking "light" for granted"
or lack empathy for those who feel they are being overwhelmed by darkness
from time to time?

Maybe.


I hope that makes sense.
I wish there were an epiphany here but there isn't.
Just vomit.

Thanks for letting this be shared. :)
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